Test 16: The 'Which Character' Personality Quiz
Hoping for Bugs Bunny, Expecting Young Sheldon
Happy American Independence Day Eve Eve, everyone. Or as I’ve come to think of it, “Why Are You Launching Fireworks at All, Let Alone This Early? We’ve Been Plagued by Wildfires for Years, You Assholes” Day. I’m working on punching it up a little, but the sentiment stands. Since it’s a slow work week — not to mention a short one! — I figured I’d get back to doing what I do best: ignoring work and pursuing one of my many writing projects. It’s been a while since I’ve done any sort of good, old-fashioned testing, so I went perusing my saved links and I found this guy:
And I knew how I was going to spend the rest of my afternoon.
Lest you think this test is some sort of glorified BuzzFeed quiz, worry not. They actually get namedropped in the paragraph preceding this block quote:
“These [BuzzFeed] quizzes are very fun, as evidenced by their extreme popularity. But they are not that meaningful, two people who get the same result on a typical example of these tests don't necessarily have much more in common than two randomly paired individuals.”
“Not that meaningful” is what I would call “a bit of a fucking understatement.” Nothing against BuzzFeed as a whole, but I don’t think anyone anywhere takes them as gospel. A couple other things that are similarly unmeaningful:
Googling your physical symptoms and getting your diagnosis from Facebook
Wondering if you’re getting enough rocks or glue in your diet and letting Gemini AI tell you
Watching ads for a mobile game with an infuriatingly simple puzzle and a dialogue box that says “Only 277 IQ Geniuses Can Solve This?!” then downloading that game only to learn it’s a resource farming game and it stole your credit card information
Taking advice from anyone who calls themself a “life coach”
The test gives you several options for length and makeup. You can do the normal version (36 questions), the quick version (just 14) or the exhaustive one (140!). You can also do it in emoji instead of written words, if you so choose. As for me, I’m a completionist and I’m bored, so it’s the exhaustive version for me. Let’s see what (or I guess who) I’m made of!
The test is essentially a paired words test asking you to place yourself on the spectrum between each. For instance, the first one might be Orderly and Chaotic on either end. By default, every answer is split 50/50, but the idea is to move the slider toward where you land individually. For me, 50/50 isn’t too far off here, but I would say I’m about 58/42 Orderly. There’s a lot of chaos in my life, much of which I’m content to leave be, but the stuff that demands order reallllllly gets handled. My personal favorite was Question 14:
I’m told that if I slide the bar to the right, it’s because I think I’m fly even though I’m just sitting on my broke ass:
Needless to say, not all of the questions were that fun. Most were pretty sensible. And in the exhaustive version, there was a lot of overlap between concepts, which makes sense when really digging into the not-that-meaningful nuances. 140 answers later, what did I get?
Alright! I got … a character I know nothing about from a show I’ve never watched! Cue the celebratory parade?
Unfortunately, there’s no real referendum on what this character is actually like. Sure, it gives me similarity scores — apparently we both rank high on the Good Manners vs. Bad Manners pair, as well as Hygienic (vs. Gross), Supportive (vs. Catty) and Bookish (vs. Sporty). That all makes sense at least. There’s a reason one of my sections is called Solving Sports, not A Curated List of Times I Was Amazing at Playing Sports. Although for the record, I did once hit an ice-cold three pointer in gym class with no one guarding me, then walked off the court even though we were still playing. If my dad played for the Lakers, that might be enough to get me drafted!
Second on the list is Lincoln Rice from Broad City. I remember enough about that show to know that’s Hannibal Burress, but what I find really fun is the main categories where his character and I scored similarly:
Glad he’s also not genocidal or racist, although was that … was that an arc of his? Did he ever mention how vehemently anti-genocidal he is? Actually, maybe he did. I also like that English and German are two ends of a spectrum. I guess if these are true, I can’t really argue the results.
That said, I’d really like to find a character I recognize. For that, I have to head alllllll the way down to the ninth spot on the list where we find Pam Beesley of The Office. That makes sense to me! Pam is pretty reserved in ways that probably belie her real talents and potential (at least early on — I stopped watching after S4 or so). She’s down-to-Earth, doesn’t take things too seriously, and generally keeps things running from a receptionist standpoint. I can relate to that. But even more relatable is Number 13: Ben Wyatt. I mean, he’s in Finance for Christ’s sake. He’s also loyal, emotionally intelligent, deceptively sweet and invented a board game. If left to my own devices, I might have guessed Ben Wyatt would be my most similar overall. This is great!
A few other quick highlights:
My least similar score — or at least the one at the bottom of my result set, which is 2,000th place — was Billy Hargrove from Stranger Things (25% similar). I gotta be honest, I’m struggling to see where that 25% comes from, because that dude is a sociopath.
For the record, I don’t see Bugs Bunny on the list, but Sheldon Cooper of TBBT is. We’re 57% similar.
If I limit the test to just classic literature results, my top result is Nick Carraway from Great Gatsby (76%). It’s been decades since I’ve read that book, but I vaguely remember him being rich and cool? I’ll just assume that’s right and that we’re similar for that reason.
I don’t really watch much anime, but my top similarity there is Sailor Mercury from Sailor Moon. Apparently we’re both focused and vaguely intelligent. All I really remember about that show is the cute cats though.
There’s a dropdown list that lets you look at specific universes and see where you land. My most similar from universes I’ve spent a lot of time in:
30 Rock: Kenneth Parcell (63%). Ouch. Was expecting Liz Lemon.
Archer: Cyril Figgis (63%). Could have told you this one for sure. Actually kind of expected this to be a closer match.
Community: Abed Nadir (71%). Despite the fact that Abed is pretty notably on at least some sort of social spectrum, I think this result holds pretty true. Just glad I didn’t get Chevy Chase’s character.
The Good Place: Chidi Anagonye (72%). Notably, Janet isn’t far behind at 69%. My old coworker and I once talked about which character we related with most from this show, and Janet was my answer. It’s pretty simple, IMO: I am also not a girl, also not a robot, and also generally able to conjure up answers/results when necessary. I also have sort of a hard time with human customs even though I, uh, am a human.
Harry Potter: Cho Chang (70%). I don’t actually know anything about Harry Potter, so I have no idea who this character is or what she’s about. I just wanted to see how close I am to the ultimate evil, Voldemort. Turns out: 34%. There are three characters I’m even less similar to, crazily.
MCU: Bruce Banner (76%). One of my closest matches overall. Makes sense to me if only because I’m very much like the Hulk in terms of being slow to anger, but man, when angry, it gets EXPLOSIVE.
Pokemon: Professor Oak (72%). VERY disappointed this didn’t include all 1,000+ Pokemon in it. I need to know if I’m more of a Dodrio or a Rayquaza!
The Simpsons: Tied between Milhouse van Houten and Waylon Smithers (71% each). Double ouch.
That’s all for today, everyone. Not sure what this actually taught me about myself, which means it’s not exactly in line with the Quiz Pop Ethos, but sometimes a fun diversion is nice too. Especially when your real goal is to kill time before a long holiday weekend. Have a great holiday, everyone!